Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Top Ten Beard Problems

In case you weren't aware. I've had a full beard for almost eight months now. I really like how it looks, but I'm not a huge fan of all the required beard maintenance. Grooming this thing is like trying to prune one of those little bonsai trees. I'm constantly trying to eliminate stray hairs, and keep everything even.  Over the course of my beard experience I've compiled a list of common beard problems.
Here it is, for your enjoyment:

1. The aforementioned continual grooming requirements.
2. When eating, if you get any kind of food liquid in the beard (soup is the worst), you will be smelling it all day. This might not sound so bad, if what you were eating was pretty delicious smelling, but pretty soon it takes on a smell generically reminiscent of vomit.  Often I have to wash my beard with soap and water after eating.
3. Blowing your nose is a problem. Usually have to wash the beard out after this as well.
4. Brushing your teeth is messier. Again, need to rinse the beard.
5. Speaking of rinsing the beard, they really retain water, so if you don't thoroughly dry it after a rinse, it will drip water on your shirt. Also, when dressing in the morning, if my beard is still a little damp, it leaves streaks of water on my shirt when I pull it over my head.
6. If you go out in the cold with a damp beard, your face will freeze.
7. Beard hairs get everywhere! You wipe your mouth on your napkin, and then you look down and see a few beard hairs sprinkled on your plate and food. You scratch your face, and then you find beard hairs on you shirt and desk. It's pretty gross.
8. If you are wearing a collared shirt, and you turn your head, sometimes the little beard hairs will grab your collar. This hurts. It is more common after freshly trimming the beard, which is frequent.
9. Every once in a while you get a stray mustache hair that curls up and tickles your nose. This is enough to make you want to grab the nearest pair of scissors and cut the whole thing off!
10. Lastly, most beards are pretty scratchy, and can be unpleasant when getting close to someone, like while kissing for example.

There you have it! If you ever decide to grow a beard, now you will have a heads-up on some of the issues you may encounter.


Emmy said...

As a girl, I don't have to worry about beard problems (and so I never thought of many of these!) Still, the beard does look really great on you. I think you should keep it. You look really handsome :)

Robby Spratt said...

Ha ha! Thanks.