Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Top Ten: Broken Hearts

For this next installment of "Top Ten Tuesday" I have decided to write the stories behind my top ten broken heart experiences.

I know that many of my blog posts are very very long, and this one is no different. I'm sorry about this excess. Brevity is not one of my gifts. What I lack in proper length, I hope to make up for with humor and intrigue. I hope that you, my faithful readers, will identify with at least one of these stories of relationship failure. Feel free to comment, complain, tease, or encourage, as you see fit. Obviously I have omitted all names so that I will not incriminate those involved.

#10 - This first broken heart qualifies as the most mild of the ten. You should know up front, that my big problem in dating is that I get attached far too quickly. You will see this pattern as you continue reading.
This girl and I went on two fantastic dates! I was coming out of a big dating slump and I thought that this was the girl to get me back on track. When I called her up for a third date, she told me that she had gotten back together with a previous boyfriend. I was bummed for a while, but I got over this one relatively quickly. The broken heart really came because she was so cool, and I was really excited about the possibility of us dating. Like I said, I get attached far to easily.
#9 - This girl and I had been friends for quite a while, and would hang out on a regular basis. I was still very shy at this point in my life, and I wasn't sure how to go about letting her know I was interested. When we would hang out, there was usually several guys over. I took her on one awesome date, and one date only. It was awesome because I took her to an amazing concert. The only hitch of the evening was that she had her arms crossed, or tucked under her legs all evening. She basically gave me the cold shoulder. She basically made it clear that she wasn't interested. We still hung out, but after a while it became clear that she actually liked another, better looking, guy in our group. I watched them grow closer until finally they began to date. That was hard for me to watch. To make things worse, later on, after she and that guy broke up, I was hanging out with her again, and introduced her to one of my friends. I later found out that they had gotten together again after I left, and had kissed. He had to go back to his home, out of state, so nothing ever came of it, but it was still upsetting that she preferred the attention of a nearly complete stranger over me, a friend of several years. She is married now to a rockin' dude, and we are still good friends. It's good that heartbreak doesn't last.
#8 - This is a weird one that I never figured out. This girl was my first "real" date in High School. By "real" date I mean a date that wasn't part of a school dance. I don't remember how I got her number, because she didn't go to the same school as me. Anyway, one evening I called to ask her out, unfortunately she was busy and had to turn me down. However, despite her rejection, her follow up response was the best I have ever heard! She said "promise me you will ask me again sometime!" Ladies, if a guy asks you out, and you have to turn him down due to a prior engagement, but you really do want to go out with him, this is the response you need to give! To this day, it still makes me happy when I think about it, and I dream that someone will say it to me again someday. Make a guy promise to ask you out again, and he most definitely will. I seem to have gotten a little sidetracked there...on to the heartbreak.
A few weeks later I called to ask her out again. She was going to a play with some friends, but she invited me along. This group outing unexpectedly turned into our first date because everyone in the group bailed out, leaving the two of us alone. It was really good though; we had great conversation, and found that we had a lot in common. She was really pretty, so obviously I was instantly smitten. Not long after, I called her for a second date. I meticulously planned everything, hoping to make another good impression. Despite that, the date was a disaster. We went to a movie that turned out to be awful, so we left early. We went to dinner, but she wouldn't talk to me and just pushed her food around on the plate. I took her home early and didn't know what to say. We went from a very comfortable, excellent first date, to a very awkward second date. I still don't know what happened. If I ever see her again, I'm totally going to ask her!
#7 - One date, that's it. I met this girl, and thought she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. I had been working on my confidence in approaching women, and she was one of the first to experience my bold new approach. I was already infatuated with this girl before I asked her out, so actually taking her on a date was like a dream come true! I wanted everything to be perfect. I talked to all of our mutual friends to find out what things she enjoyed, and I planned a really awesome date, different from almost any date I had ever planned before. The date itself was excellent! Seriously I had impressed myself with my amazing date-planning-abilities. It couldn't have gone better (or so I thought.) I was certain that I had nailed the first date, and I was pleased that we seemed to have so much in common. I was sure that this was going to develop into a relationship.
I called her a few days after our date to invite her for a bike ride. Not a date, mind you, just a bike ride. The weird thing is that she turned me down flat! She said I was nice, but she just wasn't interested. I was literally flabbergasted! I was totally perplexed and numb. I had no idea what went wrong. I was pretty ticked off for a while, but thanks to some good roommates, and a little help from Captain Picard, I was back to myself in no-time.
#6 - This girl will always be special to me, because she rescued me from one of my worst dating slumps of all time. I was still getting over my # 1 heartbreak, and had experienced an unusually large amount of rejection in my attempt to "get back on the horse".
I met this girl at church, and we immediately hit it off. This girl was SUPER COOL! We started spending time together casually at first, and then I made the next step and invited her to have dinner with me and go to a musical performance. It was great! Shortly after, I called her up to ask her out for a breakfast double-date with my best friend and his girlfriend. She accepted my offer, and then immediately asked if I would accompany her to another event that same weekend! We planned two dates in one phone call! Needless to say, I was thrilled. Unfortunately, she called me back an hour later, and told me that she forgotten that she had family coming in from out of town, and would have to cancel both dates. That was only a minor setback though, as we went on several more dates later. The thing I liked most about this girl, is that she seemed very comfortable around me, and acted like she really enjoyed my company. She would tease me a bit (which I love), and purposely bump into me, and touch my arm or leg to get my attention. When we would be at a play, or at dinner, she would let her leg rest against mine. The "CTTI" was definitely present in this relationship, and I was really happy for the first time in months.
We got to (I think) our sixth official date, so I planned something special. I had not gotten the nerve to hold her hand, or put my arm around her yet, but I thought that this might be the night. I made reservations at a nice restaurant, and planned a fun activity. This is where things started to go bad. The day of the date, she said that she had something come up and wondered if we could skip dinner that night. We went ahead with the activity, but she was really distant and kind of cold. I was worried. I called her up a while later to ask her out for another date, and out of the blue, she told me that we were just friends, and she didn't want to lead me on. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Up until that weird date she hadn't been acting like "just friends". She had seemed really interested. As is generally the case, I never did find out exactly what had happened to change her mind about me. I figured that she had met someone else. About a week after her rejection I saw her at a concert with another guy.
I was really disappointed that our relationship never took off, but to this day, she has given me more of a chance than any other girl I have ever been interested in, (minus my #1 heartbreak) and for that I am grateful. :)
#5 - This is an odd one because we never actually went on a date. Remember the thing about me getting attached easily? Yeah, this is the worst case scenario. I met this girl, and was blown away by her beauty. Very rarely do I remember the first thoughts that enter my head upon meeting someone new, but in her case, my first thought was "Whoa! She is pretty!" The problem was that she was dating a guy. Over the course of the next several months, I got to know her really well. I saw her all the time, and we hung out enough that we became pretty close. I was convinced that if we ever got the chance to actually date, she would be the one for me.
Later in the year, I started to detect that things were cooling off with her and this guy. I decided to take a shot and ask her out. She turned me down, but it was because she was going to be out of town, not because of this other guy. I took that as an encouraging sign. Over the course of the next little while, I asked her out two more times, each time she had a seemingly valid excuse. One day, out of the blue, she told me that she was moving back home. She gave me a nice card thanking me for everything I had done for her. She explained that part of the reason she was moving, was to get away from the guy she had been dating, and to try and work things out with another guy she had previously dated. She later married that guy. I've never had as close a relationship with someone I've never actually gone out with, and it was really hard to lose her. This experience totally wrecked me for several months.
#4 - This is an interesting one. I met this girl, and we immediately clicked. We had tons in common, and felt really comfortable with each other. We hung out a few times, and we would often have long, deep conversations. I had no trouble opening up to her. I also didn't waste any time in asking her out. We went to dinner and a play, and had a great time! This was quite possibly my best first date ever! We had a lot of time to talk, and I really thought she was someone special. The interesting thing is that she was unlike any other girl I had ever asked out before. She was older than most girls I date, was already done with school and in her chosen career, and she was different looking than the girls I normally go for. I'm not saying she was ugly; she was most definitely very very pretty, just different than my normal "type". Anyway, she was amazing, and I was starting to think that she was the girl I had been looking for. We hung out again just days after our date. When she was getting ready to leave, I asked her for a second date. This is where it gets weird. She told me that she was trying to decide about seriously dating another guy that she had been seeing. I was a bit surprised by this considering she and I had gone on that awesome date less than a week before. I expressed my interest in taking her out again, and asked her to let me know when she decided. She never did. I had to find out the hard way...through Facebook! After that, I tried really hard to be a good friend to her, but she slowly pushed me away. She and I were like two peas in a pod, and I really miss having that connection with someone. To be honest, I think I'm still getting over this one.

#3 - This story is surprisingly similar to the last one, only this time, several more dates were involved. This is another girl that I have a ton in common with, and get along with very well. I met this girl a while ago, and we became close friends almost instantly. I was initially very reluctant to ask her out because she reminded me a lot of my #1 heartbreak. Our friendship went on for almost a year before I decided that I was interested enough to take her on a date. We went out several times, and we always had great conversations. The problem was that I felt like this budding relationship was really one-sided. Despite our similarities, I felt as if she was merely tolerating my presence, rather than looking forward to the time we spent together. I was getting the vibe that she wasn't really interested. I hoped that if we continued to spend time together, she might eventually warm to me. Obviously this didn't happen. I did everything I could to show her how interested I was. I tried really hard to impress her. After a while, I noticed that she seemed to be avoiding me. A little while later, again through Facebook, I discovered that she had begun a relationship with someone else.
For me, the greatest disappointments come from the girls that I feel a special connection with. She was definitely one of these girls.
#2 - This is a hard one to explain without making the persons identity very obvious, so I might have to be a bit more vague. This girl was one of my only friends who survived High School. I'm not saying that most of my friends died, just that I didn't like High School much, and didn't care to stay in touch with many people after graduation. This girl was one of the exceptions. Our first semester of college we started spending more time together, and went on a number of dates. If I remember correctly, it was around five dates. Things were going well until one of us had to move away. We kept in touch despite the distance. Some time later, the situation changed so that we were reunited. I was eager to pick up where we had left off.
I asked her out on a date, which she accepted. Unfortunately she stood me up for that date. No phone call, no warning, no notice of any kind. Everything was set; I even had dinner reservations at a nice place. I had never been stood up before, and I haven't been since. I was pretty upset.
She stopped by my house a few weeks later. She didn't apologize for missing our date; she just explained that she had gotten engaged that night. I congratulated her and pretended to be happy for her, but really I was just upset that she hadn't told me about this guy much sooner.
I didn't talk to her again until her wedding reception. I wasn't planning on going, but I was forced to attend. I walked in, gave her my congratulations, and walked straight out again. I didn't even have any refreshments. We didn't speak again for five years. I think we have settled for being friendly acquaintances, but I'm still a bit bitter about the whole thing.

#1 - Ok, here is my #1. I'm afraid that this might be the most disappointing of the lot, because it can be summarized so briefly. Here it is: I dated this girl for the better part of two years. We were talking about getting married. After a year and a half things started going down hill. Things were shaky for the next couple of months until, finally, we mutually decided to break up. Shortly after the breakup she told me that she had decided to move to a different state. We spoke a handful of times after she moved, but ultimately she cut off all communication without warning. I kept trying to reach her for a while, but it was clear that she didn't want anything more to do with me. The puzzling thing is that we had ended our relationship respectfully, with the intention of remaining friends. It's hard to just cut someone out of your life after you have spent two years with them. This is the blow that left my heart completely shattered. I've spent the last several years trying to put the pieces together again, but so far, every time I get the courage to offer it to someone new, it gets savagely dropped and broken again. You know that song? "How many times can I break 'till I shatter?" I ask myself this question all the time.

Perhaps some day, I will put my scarred heart back up on the anvil expecting it to be smashed yet again; only this time, that certain young lady will see my pathetic damaged heart, and instead of being repulsed, she will see it as a treasure that she can mend, protect, and hold as her own. Perhaps then I will be whole. Until then, bring on the heartbreak!

p.s. I feel I should clarify my intentions in writing this post. I didn't write all these stories out of discouragement or bitterness, but rather for the sake of catharsis. I really like each of these stories, and I enjoy talking about them. I feel that each of these experiences has helped shape the person I am, so in that respect, I enjoy talking about them. I also love hearing these kinds of stories from my friends. Dating stories are the best! Anyway, you shouldn't feel bad for me because I remain hopeful and optimistic. :)


Jessica said...

It is only going to take one. Then, we will all look back at these experiences and laugh. And wonder what we got so worked up about. Don't worry!

Kendra said...

oh robby! this post made me pretty sad. but like jessica said, it only takes one! and then all the heartbreaks won't matter except to make you appreciate her all the better! i can't wait until you blog about your perfect romance that never ends in heartbreak.

Robby Spratt said...

Thanks for the comments. Don't be sad for me, I didn't write all this out of bitterness, but rather I wrote it because I value each of these experiences. These are the stories that have helped to shape who I am, and so I rather enjoy talking about them. Some of them I laugh about, and others are still more fresh, but I'm happy to have had each experience. I hope to have a few more. :)

Rebecca said...

I and many others could write a similar blog. Love is a vicious game. Hence the quote, "all is fair in love and war." Sometimes love feels like a war and you wonder how you can ever win the war when you lose so many battles. I know I shouldn't offer unsolicited advice but I'm going to anyway. :) It sounded like a lot of the girls were going on other dates and often picked the other guy. You said you fall pretty fast but maybe to prevent that you should try dating multiple girls at a time, not committing all your time and heart to one girl until she puts forth some effort. I think it is so awesome that you take girls out instead of just hanging out but make sure you allow for the girl to respond. All in all, someday you'll find a girl and it will be easy and you'll have a very satisfying relationship because you aren't afraid to love.

Robby Spratt said...

That's some good advice. Thank you. I will definitely try to date multiple girls, but my hang-up is that I rarely ask someone out unless I am really excited about the idea of dating them. Probably I need to increase the frequency of my "get-to-know-you" dates with girls that I just think are nice. I'm a very loyal person by nature, so it's hard for me to not totally commit my heart to someone that I am interested in. When I like someone, all other girls just fade away from my thoughts. Perhaps we should discuss this issue in person sometime. :)

Emmy said...

I'm sorry you had to deal with so many broken hearts. I know exactly how it feels. I keep telling myself that it will get easier, but I don't know what's going to happen. But, the little optimist inside me says that things will always get better. Keep positive!

DavidTheSteak said...

I was thinking through these stories and I'm pretty sure I can remember when most of them happened, but a few were new. If you ever need a pick-me-up, remember that a dozen doughnuts and a Jackie Chan movie makes even the hardest hit hearts feel better. Or, maybe the bloated stomach is just pushing the pieces back together. Either way, it works.

ames4eva said...

I'm a new visitor here (thru Chess' blog!) but I just wanted to say thanks so much for sharing your experiences :). It's helped me to view my first ever major heartbreak differently and try to stay positive :).

I think you'll be seeing me around here :).

Emily said...

Hi I just found your blog and wanted to say how much i've enjoyed reading the dating section of your blog.
i never read about dating from a man's perspective so i've definitely found it interesting (and surprising)

Robby Spratt said...

Hi Emily, thanks for your comment! I'm glad you've enjoyed reading my thoughts on dating. I've pretty much backed off on writing about dating over the last year because I got some comments from someone who had misunderstood my intentions. That was a while ago now, so maybe I should resume. I definitely have a lot of thoughts I've been saving up. I also have a few more heartbreaks that I could potentially write about. ;)