Monday, October 26, 2009

Things That Must Go!

I always listen to X96 in the morning while I am driving to school. I love their segment "Things That Must Go." Inspired by this excellent radio segment, I present to you, in no particular order, my own personal list of things that must go:

1. Flipflops

Flipflops are great...IF YOU ARE GOING TO THE BEACH!
These annoyingly ubiquitous little sandals were once just a casual pool side accessory, now they are the all-occasion, all-weather, footwear of choice for twenty-somethings everywhere. You may remember(but probably not) the White House flip flop scandal of 2005 where the etiquette of flip flops in formal situations was addressed. A group of High School girls wore flip flops in conjunction with their dresses to meet the President of the United States at the White House!
If I knew I was going to meet the President, I would definitely not show up looking like I was ready for a day at the beach.
I am of the opinion that these little foam soles are too casual for pretty much every place you commonly see them. It irritates me that people wear these things to school, church, work, and on dates. I've even known some girls that have worn them with their wedding dress! Seriously what has happened to our sense of propriety? Get some real shoes people!

2. Cilantro

For some reason this disgusting little herb has been popping up in everything lately. I don't know if I am unusually sensitive to its flavor but, to me, it is overpowering and sickening. It seems to have a very sharp metallic copper flavor which is something I do not want to taste in my food. It's gotten so bad that I've had to make a mental list of places that put cilantro in their food so I can avoid them.

3. People who wear those Bluetooth headsets EVERYWHERE!

If ever there were a certain tell-all sign of douche-baggery, this would be it. I'm not opposed to these little gizmos in general, but I honestly struggle to think of a situation where using one doesn't make you look like a total "renob". I can pretty much a guarantee that if you see someone who is always wearing one of these, even when they aren't in the middle of a call, they are certainly a douche-bag of the highest degree. For more information on the subject please visit this link.

4. Guys in skinny jeans.

Ladies, do any of you honestly find this look attractive? I challenge anyone to find a guy who looks better in skinny jeans than in any other kind of trouser-based article of clothing! I'm confident that such a person doesn't exist. Every time I walk past some weird guy in skinny jeans I literally start to dry heave! I'm struggling to even write this post because I keep having weird convulsions while thinking about them! They just need to die quickly and go away for ever! If you are a wearer of skinny jeans, shame on you!

5. Vampires

In an earlier incarnation of this yet unpublished blog post I had a quite lengthy rant and rave session on the ridiculousness of the current popularity of vampires. I decided to ditch this tirade in favor of a single image which perfectly sums up my feelings on the subject.
(Disclaimer: The image is slightly crude, and possibly offensive, so view at your own discretion. Also, while the conciseness of the visual slam against vampires appeals to me, the insinuations made do not reflect my own personal feelings or method of expression. I did not create the image or its captions, I am merely posting the link.)


Nikki said...

I always forget how funny you are. Cilantro? Really? Ha ha... And the... uh... vampire thing... that was funny...even though it was crude. :)

Robby Spratt said...

Hey, I gave fair warning.