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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Thanks Captain Picard!

My morning has been really crummy. I received a phone call that I have been looking forward to, only to have all my hopes and dreams crushed. A short time later, my Mom interrupted my private pity party by calling to tell me about a friend of mine who is having some unexplained health problems that no one can do anything about.
I was really looking forward to today, but the mornings events have left me feeling disappointed, lonely, and pathetic. It is one of those days where you really need someone to talk to, but of course, no one is around.
Usually when I feel like this I turn to movies to assuage(tip of the hat to Melanie) my pain. After being unable to choose between Dan in Real Life, Love Actually, and Sleepless in Seattle, I decided that none of these movies was really what I was in the mood for. I should probably go run, but I don't want to. I should probably eat something, but I'm too upset. I tried reading, but my mind was too unsettled.
I went outside to walk around a bit, when I saw that someone had carelessly tossed Arlene on the ground by our stairs. (Arlene is our friendly, local mannequin.) I felt bad for her so I picked her up, brought her inside, and sat her down on our couch. So here I am, hanging out with Arlene(even though she freaks me out a bit,) trying to do something productive to put my mind at ease.
All morning the same thought has been going through my head.
"What did I do wrong? I thought everything had gone so well."
While I was mulling this depressing thought around in my head, a quote from one of my favorite episodes of Star Trek the Next Generation popped into my head. In the episode "Peak Performance" Data's confidence is shaken when he loses a game of strategy that, mathematically, he should have won. To help him regain his confidence, Captain Picard tells him this: "It is possible to commit no errors and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life."
I'm still disappointed, but I realize that just because things didn't work out the way I wanted them to, doesn't mean that there is something wrong with me, or that I did something wrong. I just have to be patient and trust that something better is in store.
All of those movies I didn't want to watch earlier eventually come to happy endings. I hope my own happy ending is approaching.

1 comment:

Jami said...

robby... hope things have gotten better. you can always contact me. if im not at b-land there is a high chance im probably just sitting at home.