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Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Joy of Barfing

Are you tired of doing the same old boring activities day after day, night after night? Are you looking for something to enhance an upcoming date, reunion, family home evening, or night out with the fellas? Are you tired of trying to find activities to suit a continually varying number of people? Well have I got the game for you! What would you say to gathering your friends and family for a fun-filled evening of...barfing? That's right, I'm here to tell you how you can make barfing an event that everyone can enjoy! Skeptical? Allow me to present a few situations which should make the appeal of social-vomiting readily apparent.

Imagine for a moment that you are an innocent bystander. Perhaps you are waiting to cross the street at an intersection. There is a queue of cars all waiting for the light to turn green. Suddenly a passenger in one of the stopped cars flings their door open, runs into the middle of the street, and dramatically vomits all over the place! They quickly climb back into their car, just in time for the light to turn green. You watch in amazement as the people in their cars slow, roll down their windows, and crane their heads to see the messy aftermath as they drive by. Hilarious, no? Alright, on to situation number two.

You are hanging out in the outdoor eating area of your fast-food restaurant of choice. You notice a car pull over and stop suddenly as one of the passengers jumps out and makes a mad dash across the grass towards the door of the restaurant. Suddenly they stop in full view of the outdoor patrons, fall to their hands and knees, and spew vomit onto the lawn. Coughing and wiping their mouth they walk back to the car, get in, and leave. You look around to see children crying, teenagers laughing, and adults mumbling in disgust as they look down at their suddenly unappealing food. Awesome! Right?

Now that you are thoroughly convinced of the endless amusement available through barfing, you are probably wondering how you can experience equally hilarious situations on your own. It's simple...you do the barfing! Now you are probably thinking to yourself, 'but barfing is a generally unpleasant experience, why would I want to do that for fun?' Not to worry, you don't have to vomit for real, you just need to create a realistic looking barf substitute. I recommend well chewed potato salad with a little fruit punch for color. Now that all your fears have been silenced, here is what you will need for a successful day of barfing:

-A mouth full of barf like substance. Feel free to get creative on this one.
-A vehicle of some kind, for transportation and quick getaways.
-Several friends who "ain't skeered" of fun and adventure. (Not to mention willing to throw up in public.)
-A good barfing location that will not require any cleanup (out door locations work best.)

With these essentials you are now prepared for an evening of fun times, and great memories. Simply have the first barfing volunteer prepare their mouth full of vomit-like substance, select a potential location, then watch in amusement as they dramatically demonstrate their public barfing abilities. Take turns barfing and see who can create the most hilarious barfing situation. The more dramatic the barfing display, the more fun you will have.

Just in case you get bored with plain old barfing, here are some suggestions for advanced participants:
-Have a concealed camera so you can document your escapades and share them with even more friends later.
-Multiple vehicles. A lead barfing vehicle followed by an observation vehicle will enable you to see more reactions, and include more participants. Vehicles can take turns being the lead or the observer.
-Invent creative barfing techniques. I am a fan of the dramatic "barf-out-the-window-so-that-it splatters-and dribbles-down-the-side-of-your-car" technique. This one works best when you are stopped next to someone who also has their windows down. As an added bonus you can drive around town for a while and watch the reactions of the people that drive along side you.
-You might have a prearranged location so that you can have participants already in place to pretend to get grossed out and make the most of the barfing display. Perhaps you could have the observers prepare their own barf-like substance so that after the initial barfing, they can all start "involuntarily" throwing up as well. Hmm...that's an awesome idea!
-If some members of the group are reluctant to participate you might employ some sort of side game to determine the next person to do the barfing. The possibilities are endless.

Congratulations! You are now fully qualified to have more fun than you ever thought possible! I know that you are probably swelling with gratitude, but don't worry, there is no need to thank me. I remember how enlightened I felt the first time the concept of barfing was introduced to me. Now the next time a friend says to you "I'm bored, lets do something fun!" You can respond with "I've got a great idea! Let's go barfing!"

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