Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Joy of Barfing

Are you tired of doing the same old boring activities day after day, night after night? Are you looking for something to enhance an upcoming date, reunion, family home evening, or night out with the fellas? Are you tired of trying to find activities to suit a continually varying number of people? Well have I got the game for you! What would you say to gathering your friends and family for a fun-filled evening of...barfing? That's right, I'm here to tell you how you can make barfing an event that everyone can enjoy! Skeptical? Allow me to present a few situations which should make the appeal of social-vomiting readily apparent.

Imagine for a moment that you are an innocent bystander. Perhaps you are waiting to cross the street at an intersection. There is a queue of cars all waiting for the light to turn green. Suddenly a passenger in one of the stopped cars flings their door open, runs into the middle of the street, and dramatically vomits all over the place! They quickly climb back into their car, just in time for the light to turn green. You watch in amazement as the people in their cars slow, roll down their windows, and crane their heads to see the messy aftermath as they drive by. Hilarious, no? Alright, on to situation number two.

You are hanging out in the outdoor eating area of your fast-food restaurant of choice. You notice a car pull over and stop suddenly as one of the passengers jumps out and makes a mad dash across the grass towards the door of the restaurant. Suddenly they stop in full view of the outdoor patrons, fall to their hands and knees, and spew vomit onto the lawn. Coughing and wiping their mouth they walk back to the car, get in, and leave. You look around to see children crying, teenagers laughing, and adults mumbling in disgust as they look down at their suddenly unappealing food. Awesome! Right?

Now that you are thoroughly convinced of the endless amusement available through barfing, you are probably wondering how you can experience equally hilarious situations on your own. It's do the barfing! Now you are probably thinking to yourself, 'but barfing is a generally unpleasant experience, why would I want to do that for fun?' Not to worry, you don't have to vomit for real, you just need to create a realistic looking barf substitute. I recommend well chewed potato salad with a little fruit punch for color. Now that all your fears have been silenced, here is what you will need for a successful day of barfing:

-A mouth full of barf like substance. Feel free to get creative on this one.
-A vehicle of some kind, for transportation and quick getaways.
-Several friends who "ain't skeered" of fun and adventure. (Not to mention willing to throw up in public.)
-A good barfing location that will not require any cleanup (out door locations work best.)

With these essentials you are now prepared for an evening of fun times, and great memories. Simply have the first barfing volunteer prepare their mouth full of vomit-like substance, select a potential location, then watch in amusement as they dramatically demonstrate their public barfing abilities. Take turns barfing and see who can create the most hilarious barfing situation. The more dramatic the barfing display, the more fun you will have.

Just in case you get bored with plain old barfing, here are some suggestions for advanced participants:
-Have a concealed camera so you can document your escapades and share them with even more friends later.
-Multiple vehicles. A lead barfing vehicle followed by an observation vehicle will enable you to see more reactions, and include more participants. Vehicles can take turns being the lead or the observer.
-Invent creative barfing techniques. I am a fan of the dramatic "barf-out-the-window-so-that-it splatters-and dribbles-down-the-side-of-your-car" technique. This one works best when you are stopped next to someone who also has their windows down. As an added bonus you can drive around town for a while and watch the reactions of the people that drive along side you.
-You might have a prearranged location so that you can have participants already in place to pretend to get grossed out and make the most of the barfing display. Perhaps you could have the observers prepare their own barf-like substance so that after the initial barfing, they can all start "involuntarily" throwing up as well. Hmm...that's an awesome idea!
-If some members of the group are reluctant to participate you might employ some sort of side game to determine the next person to do the barfing. The possibilities are endless.

Congratulations! You are now fully qualified to have more fun than you ever thought possible! I know that you are probably swelling with gratitude, but don't worry, there is no need to thank me. I remember how enlightened I felt the first time the concept of barfing was introduced to me. Now the next time a friend says to you "I'm bored, lets do something fun!" You can respond with "I've got a great idea! Let's go barfing!"

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Thanks Captain Picard!

My morning has been really crummy. I received a phone call that I have been looking forward to, only to have all my hopes and dreams crushed. A short time later, my Mom interrupted my private pity party by calling to tell me about a friend of mine who is having some unexplained health problems that no one can do anything about.
I was really looking forward to today, but the mornings events have left me feeling disappointed, lonely, and pathetic. It is one of those days where you really need someone to talk to, but of course, no one is around.
Usually when I feel like this I turn to movies to assuage(tip of the hat to Melanie) my pain. After being unable to choose between Dan in Real Life, Love Actually, and Sleepless in Seattle, I decided that none of these movies was really what I was in the mood for. I should probably go run, but I don't want to. I should probably eat something, but I'm too upset. I tried reading, but my mind was too unsettled.
I went outside to walk around a bit, when I saw that someone had carelessly tossed Arlene on the ground by our stairs. (Arlene is our friendly, local mannequin.) I felt bad for her so I picked her up, brought her inside, and sat her down on our couch. So here I am, hanging out with Arlene(even though she freaks me out a bit,) trying to do something productive to put my mind at ease.
All morning the same thought has been going through my head.
"What did I do wrong? I thought everything had gone so well."
While I was mulling this depressing thought around in my head, a quote from one of my favorite episodes of Star Trek the Next Generation popped into my head. In the episode "Peak Performance" Data's confidence is shaken when he loses a game of strategy that, mathematically, he should have won. To help him regain his confidence, Captain Picard tells him this: "It is possible to commit no errors and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life."
I'm still disappointed, but I realize that just because things didn't work out the way I wanted them to, doesn't mean that there is something wrong with me, or that I did something wrong. I just have to be patient and trust that something better is in store.
All of those movies I didn't want to watch earlier eventually come to happy endings. I hope my own happy ending is approaching.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Shake n' Bake

A couple of weeks ago I went down to Provo to play in a local speedball tournament. Well, it was sort of speedball. It was a hyperball field, restricted to gravity fed hoppers, using NPPL rules. Oh, in case you don't know what I'm talking about, this is a paintball thing.

It was a lot of fun, but it was a long, dang, tournament! We were there from six thirty in the morning until after six in the evening! It was also a lot harder than I thought it would be. The games themselves weren't extremely difficult, but we played so many. I'm used to the woodsball tournaments where you play three to six games with each game lasting thirty or forty minutes. These games were only five minutes each, but we played over a dozen. Also, I played in two divisions; open, and pump. I was surprised at how beat I was by the end. I even took a little nap in the car on the ride home.

There were two games of the day that really stood out. In one game, we had some bad luck early-on and were down on numbers. We shot out one of their guys, but lost three of our own, leaving me and Doker against their remaining four players. Our teammates watching from the sidelines thought we had already lost the game. I'm not sure how this happens but, somehow, I usually play better when I am outnumbered. I was able to shoot out the remaining players, and Doker ran the flag for the win. When we left the field we were greeted with the excited praise of our teammates. It was a really good moment for us.
The other really cool game was against a much better team that we have some rivalry with. Our team captain really wanted a win, and said that he would consider it a personal favor if we destroyed them. With that expectation, I was really nervous going into the game. I seriously have no idea how we did it, but we worked them...hard! Everyone played super well and we beat them while only losing one of our own players. We were so excited about our win that we were cheering and high-fiving and everything!

After that game our captain thanked us multiple times for getting him that win. He said that this game totally made his day. For me it was sort of bitter sweet because that same team ended up beating us for first place in the finals. At least we still took it to them in that one game.
In the pump division we lost our first two games, but then we switched up our strategy a bit and never lost another game! Unfortunately those loses early in the tournament kept us out of the finals, but we were really pleased with how well we played after the adjustments we made.
After everything was over, we came away with second place in the open division. I was pretty pleased with those results. Overall, it was a really fun tournament. I hope it becomes an annual event.

Monday, June 1, 2009

What's the Time Again?

Have you ever wondered what time it is, checked the time, and then, immediately after checking, realized that you spaced out and still have no idea what time it is? I just did that; it was awesome. Apparently my roommates do it all the time too. I love discovering strange little quirky things that I do! That is all.